Ahhhh triggers. Those pesky little things we like to avoid. They seem to jump out at us, sometimes from the most unexpected places and leave us in a state of panic and anxiety.
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Many years ago I was in a relationship full of dysfunction. I dated a man who was very immature and if he found himself in an uncomfortable situation he would simply leave. Like hit the road 👋🏻🚗. Without me. He did this in front of my family and then again at church. Just got up and left telling me once that he had to take a call, and the next time that he needed to use the restroom. By the time several minutes had passed I would go looking for him, only to call him and have him tell me he left. It was humiliating to say the least.
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So, just over a year ago when out with some friends the men folk thought they would be funny. We gals had left the table and were planning a surprise for a birthday we were celebrating. In the meantime, the men decided when we came back they would all, simultaneously, without a word, get up and leave the table. They did. And mission accomplished. Everyone had a good laugh. That is everyone but me.
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I became flooded with emotion. I felt the burn of the humiliation all over again. And I didn’t understand why I was reacting so strongly.
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It took me until the next morning to make the correlation. That situation transported me back to 2008. I was floored that something that had happened so long ago could still affect me so aversely. I was still in need of healing.
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I’ve learned when I begin to feel flooded or overwhelmed to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. That night I desperately wanted to be upset with the men for their joke. But the truth was it wasn’t their fault. And I had no right to be angry with them. No one could have known it would trigger a hurt deep inside from so many years ago.
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You see healing is not linear. And I am still becoming 🤍
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