One of my dearest childhood friends called me the other day. “I dont know,” she said “he just has so much going on right now. I don’t want to be a burden”
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She’s in a fairly new relationship after having gone through a divorce last year that was a long time coming. She had given her all to the marriage and in return the marriage gave her insecurity and self doubt. Now, as this new relationship buds she is struggling with anxious feelings. She fears she’s not enough. She fears she’s too needy. And the ultimate fear: This won’t work out and she’ll be rejected, alone, and hurt all over again. I understand all of this. I think we all can identify with her feelings. It’s scary. And it’s a risk.
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In other words, what my friend is feeling is NORMAL. I assured her of that. And then I asked her if she’s spoken to her boyfriend about her anxieties. She said she’s expressed her fears to him before. So I told her to tell him again. And this time ask for his help. Ask him to reassure her of her place with him. Ask him to recognize if she’s pulling away and talk to her about it and help her through it.
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I also reassured her that when we are with people who truly care about us, we are not a burden to them. After all, I’ve never looked at the people I love as a burden to me. Quite the opposite. Those who love us are the ones who support and cheer us on more than anyone else in our lives. They are the ones who want to see us succeed in all areas of our lives. I haven’t met her guy, but from what she tells me he is solid, loyal, and trustworthy. She adores him and says he is her person.
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Healing and moving forward takes great courage. I am confident my friend will navigate her way through her past conditioning and find her peace in her new relationship.
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And so I say to you, as you move forward, lean into those who love you, trust the things you’ve learned, listen to your own behaviors and triggers for further growth and healing. And if someone comes along who is your person allow them be your person🤍
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