I’ve noticed how a few things work together within a narcissists most personal relationships and I’ve coined this the “Narcissistic Supply Triad”. It models how power, and control ultimately feed the narcissist by creating the illusion of self importance.
Control: Controlling the victims thoughts, behaviors and therefore life creates an intense feeling of…
POWER: This control causes the narcissist to feel extremely powerful. This power that is felt in turn gives the Narcissist an exaggerated sense of SELF IMORTANCE.
There are of course several avenues to derive narcissistic supply, but with this manipulation of power, within intimite relationships, the victim RELIES on their abuser to dictate their life, and so it goes on either a)endlessly, or b)until the victim tires of the imbalanced relationship.
Should the victim begin questioning the Narcissists control and influence over their life, or challenging the narcissist a few things might happen. The narcissist may fall into a fit of narcissistic rage in which he or she will use a myriad of techniques to get the victim back into submission, tactics such as shaming (reminding the victim that they are beneath the abuser) silent treatment, going for days on end without acknowledging the victims existence until they are worn down enough that the victim relents and goes along to get along. Or they may, if they feel the victim is irredeemably gone, and no longer controllable, seek out new supply in the form of a new relationship followed by a discard.
Now: It is IMPERRATIVE to understand that the narcissistic personality plays on the good nature of the empathic person. They rely on the victims ability to consistently turn the other cheek, minimize the abuse, and forgive the horrendous behavior of the narcissist.
because the Narcissist is gaining their supply from the victim, the victim has the power! And had it all along. YES the narcissist uses all the good qualities of their victim and weaponizes those good qualities waging psychological warfare against their victims by capitalizing on their good, kind and forgiving nature.
And so the wonderful news is that as a survivor of narcissistic abuse, to regain your power, you simply take your power back, and in doing so, you completely disarm the narcissist from influencing your life completely.